Ayroberto

I have to go to family dinner tonight at my aunt liz’s house and i’m not looking forward to it. ever since my senior year in high school when i turned down going to sdsu for college i’ve felt shame around her, like i’ve let her down. I go to her house for the holidays but last year I stayed home so I didn’t have to show my face. The thing I dread most about family dinner is the conversation. Questions like ‘how is school’ and ‘how are you’ are supposed to be simple, so I will keep a straight face and says fine, but in reality things aren’t going well.

Now, with my cousin who’s recently gotten engaged and another who’s been accepted to ucsb, things seem to have taken off without me and I am still stuck in my rut of feeling bad for myself. it just breaks my heart when they look at me and see someone who hasn’t accomplished anything.

Nobody trusts me in the house and I am sick of it. People grow up and change, but apparently others cling to the past. Grow up!

Who honors those we love for the very life we live
Who sends monsters to kills us and at the same time sings that we will never die
Who teaches us what’s real and how to laugh at lies
Who decides why we live and what we’ll die to defend
Who chains us and who holds the key that can set us free
It’s you
You have all the weapons you need
Now fight 

My stylist totally fucked up my hair today and I was too quiet to say anything about it.
I’m going to a different person to have it fixed tomorrow.
I cooked chicken last night and forgot to wash my hands.
I rubbed my left eye in my sleep and now it’s infected.
I’m moving out of my room in a few weeks.
I’m fucking scared to live with a roommate.
This isn’t how I planned my life to be.
I wish I could be 14 again, sometimes, and start new.

Bowling tonight with my cousins was pretty dope. I almost bowled a turkey (that’s three strikes in a row) and we won all three games against the other team. On the downside people complained to the head honcho of our league about my membership status. I’ve been substituting for another person for three weeks now. I’ve been doing well, so well in fact, I won high score for last week— of the women! I sub for a lady. So this dude Lars who always bowls strikes complained to someone because my scores caused us to beat his team last week (the lady I sub for really sucks at bowling). Now I don’t know if I’ll have a spot in the league because the lady who has been sitting out is pondering whether or not to remain in the league. If she drops out I will get her spot. If she stays, there’s still a chance I can stay but I will be placed on another team other than my beloved Coconuts. So I hope she decides to quit. Either way, I never knew bowling was this fun, or that I was good at it. I’m glad I joined this league and I hope my scores continue to improve as we get closer to our finals game week in Laughlin, NV.